Full Derby Name: Muffins
Skater Number: 888
1. What does the Derbyverse call you?
2. What is your Skater Number?
3. How did you get started playing for Diamond State Roller Derby?
One of my favorite customers had stopped showing up to my job for a few months. I went on a gumshoe sleuth movie phone booth black and white film style search for her and ended up at the skating rink on a Thursday night at 9pm. I didn’t find the friend for another year and a half. I found the league. For the record, I’m not great at finding lost things
4. Is there a story behind your derby name?
Don’t let your first words to the entire league be *what do you prefer cupcakes.* Not if you want a manly nickname
5. What is one of your goals for the 2018 season?
I intend to take on a new approach to reffing this season. During the first league meeting I became resolute in deciding to “ref from the butt” in 2018. All the departments are really shaking things up this season with new approaches and the officials are no exception. In the past, I’ve made the mistake of being too cranial, in my own head, and hesitant to make decisions. Not this year
6. What is your most memorable moment with Diamond State?
Every single skater. Every single skater has infected me with unforgettable exchanges of all sorts. I could go on forever listing something about every single skater that is currently on the team and the ones that used to be here. You want me to pick one moment? I’ve earned so many family members and I honestly cannot name a favorite thing. However, the one thing my BODY cannot forget is one time Marty Graw hit me. The first year I was trying to play for the Regulators, Marty Graw hit me at a practice and my nervous system briefly shut down. My body felt like a skeletal system and a tingle from head to toe. Up and down the east coast, ask players on teams to rank the top three heaviest hitters anywhere in the world and Marty Graw remains in the top three on everyone’s list. Consistently. Players that travel talk about the honor of being hit by Marty Graw and living to tell the tale. After that hit, then the stories, I realized that I was a survivor of a Mt. Fuji / Everest / Kilimanjaro encounter. At DSRD, new skaters have no idea the privileges we are experiencing. And Marty isn’t the only wonder of the world under our roof. I’m kinda lucky Copa and Roo haven’t decided to take the safety off before hitting me, or others for that matter. They are sweet, but vets here watch these players and know they can wield their power like a surgeon’s knife… I’m getting off topic.
7. When you’re not being a bada** skater…what are you doing? (Profession/Hobbies)
I work in pharmacy. My main hobbies surround researching eastern medicine, anime, retro gaming, and dabbling in ancient spiritual texts and history.
8. Who are some skaters you admire?
I’m going to try to keep my answer down to just the first five names that come to mind. (1) Tartan Terrorizer. I watched her take a punch and shoulder to the face from an opponent from a team that traveled here last season. She fell backwards to the floor, and before she got up she lifted her head, smiled at the skater and said, “That was awesome!” with the enthusiasm of a five year old having the time of her life. Also, (2) Rosie the Riveter for a plethora of reasons. One time, Rosie got kicked in the mouth with a skate, licked the blood off the edge of her mouth, and like an unstoppable serial killer in a movie, smiled gently, picked herself up like a weightless rag-doll and sprinted at the pack. My instincts were to call that jam dead because I worried she was about to get serious but she hadn’t committed any penalties — yet. There’s also (3) Calamity Roo. Her derby spirit animal, I call it, is this creature that gives her a sudden hulk-like presence. I doubt she does it on purpose. When “it” arrives, my feet always turn to cement. I tend to watch, wondering who’s gonna catch it. Roo herself is a fun skater to watch, but the added element of her derby spirit animal that breaks free from its leash makes her extra interesting. (4) Too Tsunami has an interesting brand of honesty and a mastery of using @$$ to level skaters I haven’t seen from other male skaters. I don’t think he means to level people as hard as he does with it. His @$$ just has no filter and no safety on the trigger. (5) Rolemite. I’ll never forget that he skated backwards through a pack one jam at our rink.
9. Any advice for people who might be considering trying derby or are new to derby?
I dunno. I kinda suck at skating. Don’t ask me. [EDITORS NOTE: Muffins is a fantastic skater that is obviously modest!!!] Ask Tartan Terrorizer, Curl Up Or Dye, Lola Lambruisa’ho, Stevie Bricks…. basically, any of the vets but me. Last practice I tried to hit Boku no Pico, then laid down on the rink floor in the fetal position. That said, one of the best ways to get derby tough is to fall down a lot. Ask the vets what knee pads and wrist guards are best for padded falling.
10. Any final thoughts for our fans?
Muffins > Cupcakes [shots fired]